i walked around rosedale today. 

the smell of autumn was in the air and the leaves were every color you could imagine.

i felt very nostalgic. i remember these roads, these smells and it was a bit sad i didnt have someone to share it with.

i felt a bit weird and smoking a joint before didnt really help but as i arrived back home there was this sense of happiness. It's one thing to grieve but when you can recognize that you are grieving and accept that being hurt is part of the normal process, life does tend to feel a bit better.

i just ordered a brooklyn styled pepperoni pizza because i'm in my happy bubble right now. i'm going absolutely fucking demolish it, light up a joint, and try to watch something on netflix. 

but i know i'm going to struggle. This happiness is like the break and silence between the swinging powerful pendulum that brings you up again.

since when was my heart tethered to my brain. i thought my penis was the genius. 

creatine? forever chemicals? is there estrogen in this apartment i play away in?

★shot out to the pizza guy who i hope is almost here

i can't really tell you when I stopped writing but if i was to take a wild guess i would say most likely around the end of high school. Sitting in a boring classroom provided the opportunity to do something less boring.

so today at the confusing age of 37 i'm going to be sharing. I'm not sure exactly what and the voice in my head is already telling me i'll probably write 2-3 times before I quit and forget this site even exists. Talk about the asshole in your brain.

i feel like there is no better time in my life to reflect then when you are strapped naked dangling from a bridge. exposed. anxious. scared. and not sure what will happen.

i am in love and I am grieving. Half of me is falling and the other half is soaring. I'm being pulled by 2 hearts, 2 brains, and I am stretched beyond comfort. Today I cried in the office lol. That's a first.

well I don't want to write an entire fucking novel on my first post because that voice in my head is winning and is telling me "don't be that guy who barfs and never cleans up". I hope I can come back here in a few days and write again and empty out the barn. 

★i want to shot out Abdullah and Marco for being amazing humans. I love the both of you.